Goldilocks

169 Camberwell Road
(reaf of Firechief Pizzeria)
Hawthorn East, VIC 3123
03 9831 1799
goldilockscafe.com.au
GoogleMap

For a place called Goldilocks, I half-expected to see menu puns here… like a porridge named “jusst riight”, a sweet dish called “mama bear”, or a steak dish called “what sharp teeth you have!”.

But oh no, there weren’t any allusions to the fairytale. Instead, it’s an adult-looking warehouse in a laneway, with bright bursts of yellow and a handsome menu.

piccolo latte 3

Adult coffees are served here too. My piccolo (a 1961 blend by Coffeehead) came deep, roasty, and robustly delicious.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, I should first introduce a new blog character…

I’ve already hinted that Fakegf has been seeing someone, yeah? Well, it’s reached the stage where he’s meeting her friends. And what scarier friend he has to meet than me?

Fatboo… with his big camera and strict commands of “DON’T TOUCH THE FOOD!!!”. Ha ha ha!

Anyway, I have the bestest blog nickname for him ever: FakeOtherGuy. Lols…

panko crumbed poached eggs 13.9
with shaved asparagus and miso puree

So let’s talk about FakeOtherGuy’s brunch dish, he went adventurous with crumbed eggs.

While the yolk was nice and spilly, a firm (almost rubbery) outer wall of egg white is an inevitable outcome of the flash-frying involved with crumbing. So he wasn’t a fan of this and wished he’d gone with the 62.5c sous vide eggs that was on the menu instead.

sourdough toast 6.9

Portions were also quite petite with the crumbed eggs, with a distinct lack of carbs. So FakeOtherGuy had to order a side serve of toast to fill him up.

sauteed mushrooms 12.9
roasted vine ripened cherry tomatoes, ricotta & salsa verde
+ poached egg 3

Fakegf quite predictably chose the vegetarian option, with mushrooms as an anchor ingredient. I’m always surprised how filling and meaty mushroom dishes can be. I believe she enjoyed it.

4 hour house-made baked beans 16.9
w gamekeepers pork & fennel sausage & sourdough toast
+ scrambled egg 3

Damo normally orders and eats everything in small healthy portions. So I was quite bowled over when I heard him order baked beans, sausages PLUS an extra serve of scrambled eggs!

In typical Damo fashion, I couldn’t tell whether he liked his dish or not, but I suspect he was equivocal about it.

regular poached eggs w ocean trout 16.9
buttermilk blini, adelaide hills goats curd & beetroot relish

But I hit bullseye with my brunch dish, such a delightful combination of flavours!

This dish was sweetish and a touch desserty (not unlike what I had at Reverence), but the smoked trout gave a nice smoky-savoury counterpoint. Looking at the menu, I did not know what’s a blini, but I discovered it’s a stack of soft, delicious pancakes.

We’ll end this post with a bit of yolk porn…

I think the coffees are good here and the brunch food decent. But what this place needs to complete the picture would be a couple of sweet and fruity options on the menu, such as hotcakes or French toast. I look forward to sharing a sweet-cooked brunch dish with my companions as much as I love watching poached eggs bleed.

Postcript: After publication, I realised I got my fairytales mixed up. “what sharp teeth you have” comes from the story of Little Red Riding Hood and not Goldilocks. Haha!